tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post5093948313367661196..comments2023-04-29T08:01:59.699-04:00Comments on Ezra's Space: Losing My Baby Foreverezra'smommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17342399045659116165noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-60587043876098181382009-01-03T12:39:00.000-05:002009-01-03T12:39:00.000-05:00hi sarah-i teach yoga to kids so when i went back ...hi sarah-<BR/>i teach yoga to kids so when i went back after my "maternity leave." i was nervous and wondered if i could do this job that bring so much peace and joy to children and to myself when i had pretty much nothing left to give at that point.<BR/><BR/>its been a blessing and a curse. i spend time in preschools full of babies, toddlers, kids of all ages. its torture. but i am teaching yoga and the kids i teach are beautiful and fantastic and make me so happy. i love what i do, i know its an important job (like yours) that hopefully will make this world a better and more peaceful place (and maybe make your job easier somehow?) <BR/><BR/>anyway, i went back pretty quickly because i thought it would be good for me, i only took off 2 months after silas died. <BR/><BR/>i think now we have to incorporate this new norm that chris just posted about into our everyday. i used to teach kids who you fight for years ago in coney island. i saw the results of awful parenting but its all what you said, these parents are stuck in a life they did not choose. i don't know. i'm babbling. i guess this struck a nerve with me too.Lanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00963832673599410153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-84930693144402471442008-12-29T12:33:00.000-05:002008-12-29T12:33:00.000-05:00I don't have any real advice, as I haven't had to ...I don't have any real advice, as I haven't had to deal with this in my career. But I can tell you that the jealousy is a normal part of grieving from what I can tell. I don't think I have encountered any babylost mamas that haven't felt it at one time or another. I will say that it was much more intense for me in the first months of my grieving than it is now. It has certainly died down as time has gone on, although some of it still lingers. Even now that I am pregnant again, I still feel it to a degree. Although now I think it is more about wishing I could be carefree and joyful again like mothers who haven't experienced loss, then the actual baby part. <BR/><BR/>I think Danielle had a good point. In time, this experience may help you and how you relate with your clients in the future. But I really think time is the only thing that will help you, as cliche as that sounds.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-7590878378171436672008-12-28T18:09:00.000-05:002008-12-28T18:09:00.000-05:00Danielle, It sounds like it might help to chat mor...Danielle, It sounds like it might help to chat more. If you are up to it, please send me an email, I don't know how to reach you. skatzesq at gmail dot comezra'smommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342399045659116165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-62889209817983649222008-12-28T17:34:00.000-05:002008-12-28T17:34:00.000-05:00The jealousy is real and unavoidable I think. I ha...The jealousy is real and unavoidable I think. I have it and I can't shake it either.<BR/>I have not even been able to go back to work. And I don't know what to do now. I'll have to post about my work situation, but it was the only negative thing I had to face in my pregnancy. <BR/>This was a really thought-provoking post Sarah.Hope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-61732654781604885872008-12-28T16:40:00.000-05:002008-12-28T16:40:00.000-05:00I'm still hiding out mostly at home or with family...I'm still hiding out mostly at home or with family so I have yet to face the big wide world without my trusty sidekick to buffer me, but jealousy, horrible but hell yes! Coping? I'm not exactly sure how to do that yet.<BR/><BR/>I think Danielle said it all. It makes you more connected to these people who need your help, and that can only bring good.<BR/><BR/>xxxBarbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01484695553612265127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-59377440127229308792008-12-28T14:39:00.000-05:002008-12-28T14:39:00.000-05:00I know this feeling all too well. I am a psycholo...I know this feeling all too well. I am a psychologist working at a city hospital that serves the undocumented, the uninsured, the disenfranchised. This is what I always thought I was meant to do professionally. That is, until the day we lost our baby. And now I hate it. Hate it. Hate having to be a constant steady presence for people who need hope when hope seems so far away from me. Hate having to fight every day against a rising tide of pain and misery, when I no longer go to work with optimism and the belief that things can get better if you just keep moving and keep trying. And most of all, hate the fact that these folks get to go home to their babies. You said it, all right- it's jealously, pure and simple. And it makes me think about my work and my patients in ways that are completely alien to me, and that make me like myself a little less. And I don't want a different career either- I want a baby.<BR/><BR/>Wish I had some wisdom to share about how I've integrated all this. I'm still struggling with it myself. But the best I can offer is this- perhaps in the end, all that I've lost will help me be more present and more loving to people who desperately need to be accompanied through losses of their own. Maybe someday, knowing what I value and what's essential- friends, family, love, connection, breathing through the pain- will help me ease someone else's journey. And maybe in the end it'll help me take better care of myself as I try to help people take better care of themselves. Oh, and I will say this- although I wake up every day dreading going in to work, almost every day there is at least one moment with one patient that makes me glad that I was there for that person on that day, because I know I made something a little better. And that lifts me out of the pain for a minute.<BR/><BR/>If you do choose to go back, your clients will know that you get it- that you understand how badly they want their children and how afraid they are to lose them. And that will mean the world to them because I believe that walking beside someone on their most difficult journeys is a true gift. But do take care of yourself in the process so you have something left for you. <BR/><BR/>Sorry for the long posting- your post just struck a very deep chord. Wishing you peace and clarity.Dani819https://www.blogger.com/profile/00620957484893505246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696497315612222496.post-59645855339583812692008-12-28T11:43:00.000-05:002008-12-28T11:43:00.000-05:00This is so thoughtful and shows what a caring woma...This is so thoughtful and shows what a caring woman you are; I know you are the best at what you do. Jealousy for me is a tough emotion to contend with too, not one I was used to and am not comfortable with at all. Thinking of you and sending you love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com