Sunflower is here!

Micah Amir was born safely with a lusty cry via C-section at 5:28 this morning. Mama and baby are well.

16 months ago today...

...I was informed my Ezra had passed away.

Our admit time was pushed back to midnight. So here we are heading back to the very same hospital to bring Sunflower into this world, 16 months to the day that we lost our firstborn. Oh I miss my Ezra! And oh I can't wait to meet my Sunflower! What a very long and winding journey this has been.

37 weeks - Sunflower on the way

I'm scheduled to be induced the day after tomorrow. I'll be admitted to the hospital on Monday night and will begin the process - my OB expects that I won't actually deliver until Tuesday. Sunflower's head is engaged and I'm 1cm dilated. I had accupuncture this morning to try to help get labor going, and I'll do it again on Monday. This is really happening!

There's no way to articulate all the emotions I'm feeling right now. Relieved that there is an end in sight. Anxious about the labor and delivery. And now that we have a definite plan, yes quite excited.

Yet I still can't think past Tuesday. Still can't wrap my mind around the idea that all this may just result in a live baby that I get to take home with me. A son for us to raise. It's like Tuesday is where the sidewalk ends, the end of the yellow brick road...what happens after that nobody knows. Or at least I don't.

I'll let you know when I find out...

Lucia Paz

On this day one year ago, a beautiful little girl was silently born at the very same hospital as my Ezra. And another family's grief journey had begun. I wish my beautiful friendship with Lucy's mama Angie had begun another way...it could easily have been at a local breastfeeding group or playgroup with our newborns.

My heart aches for Angie, her sweet husband Sam and gorgeous living daughter Bea today and always. Via her mama's written words and friendship, sweet Lucia Paz has brought so much light and peace to my own life this past year.

36 weeks, 2 days ~ Update

Judging by the number of emails I am getting "just checking in", I figured I would post a brief update. Nothing has changed - Sunflower and I are still hanging out here, with my blood pressure waivering between high normal and normal. Each day brings new levels of discomfort - wow am I ready to be done!

Our news however, is that there is a strong possibility that I will be induced next week, once I am safely 37 weeks. We will decide for sure when we see my OB again on Wednesday and if so, schedule a date. I feel very good about this plan, although I am finding myself having a hard time wrapping my mind around the possibility that I could go through labor and delivery again and have it result in a happy outcome.

35 weeks, 2 days ~ New Pic

Here's an updated profile photo of Sunflower - 5lbs 14oz as of today!

34 weeks, 4 days ~ No News...

There's not much to report around here. Which is actually good in the scheme of things. Still pregnant, still anxious. Bedrest seems to be working, to the extent that my blood pressure continues to waiver between normal and high normal, but not going any higher. Protein levels remain normal. Sunflower is growing big and strong. But I can hardly relax...pre-eclampsia can suddenly escalate at any time, which is why the daily monitoring at home and the three times weekly doctor's appointments are so important. I am doing my best to stay present in the positive, to trust in what is to come. But it's a strangely liminal place to be, when I don't know if I'm going to be pregnant for one more day, week or month. I'd really like to fastforward to the part when I'm finally home with Sunflower in my arms.