But more importantly, the task at hand feels huge...bringing Sunflower safely into the world. Looking out at the mere weeks left of this pregnancy, I sometimes feel like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the mountain...will I really be able to make it to a safe and healthy arrival for Sunflower?
Over the last couple months, I've done a pretty good job at staying as present as possible in the ever-increasing joy and excitement, in staying grounded in the firm belief that I will eventually hold Sunflower alive and well in my arms.
And yet recently, there are also firm reminders of how much is outside my control. My klutziness feels like one of those reminders - I don't feel in control of my own body and that adds to feeling overwhelmed. Sunflower is very active, and while I am positively thrilled for the constant reminders of his presence, watching my stomach twist and turn as he somersaults, kicks and stretches, also reminds me that he's his own little person, one over whom I have limited control. So much about being pregnant is a leap of faith, and sometimes my faith falters.
These final 9-12 weeks just feel big. It's the "high risk" zone for me, given my history with Ezra. Starting next week I will be going to the doctor weekly, and eventually twice weekly as of 32 weeks. The monitoring helps provide reassurance, but is also a reminder of how much can go wrong at this stage.
I'm not really complaining. I'm just feeling extremely hormonal, emotional and overwhelmed. Thankfully, as of now, everything remains healthy and good with Sunflower. Here's a pic of my ever-burgeoning belly: