There's not much to report around here. Which is actually good in the scheme of things. Still pregnant, still anxious. Bedrest seems to be working, to the extent that my blood pressure continues to waiver between normal and high normal, but not going any higher. Protein levels remain normal. Sunflower is growing big and strong. But I can hardly relax...pre-eclampsia can suddenly escalate at any time, which is why the daily monitoring at home and the three times weekly doctor's appointments are so important. I am doing my best to stay present in the positive, to trust in what is to come. But it's a strangely liminal place to be, when I don't know if I'm going to be pregnant for one more day, week or month. I'd really like to fastforward to the part when I'm finally home with Sunflower in my arms.
On August 29, 2008, after 33 weeks and 5 days of the most blissfully happy unproblematic pregnancy imaginable, my world came crashing down when my son Ezra Malik died in utero. I was induced and gave birth to Ezra on August 30, 2008 at 3:47 pm. He is 4 lbs, 18 inches and has the most amazing combination of his mommy and daddy's features. He is perfect in every way. We later learned he died from a placental abruption. His mommy and daddy love him dearly and miss him terribly. Ezra taught me much in his short life, and he continues to teach me every day as I journey on my own path of grief. I created this blog both to record Ezra's life, but also to create a venue to share some of Ezra's lessons as time passes and I am more able to articulate what they are. I will update it from time to time when I feel able.