Something about her words, her story, just grabbed me, allowed me to see a reflection of myself at a time when I wasn't quite sure that anyone else really did understand. Wise babylost mamas of never forgotten children of 20 or 30 years ago had sat with me, called me, sent me letters. And while I found some comfort in knowing they had survived the crushing pain of losing their precious babies...I couldn't yet see the path from here to there, I didn't yet have faith that I too would survive. I had only recently discovered Glow, and the rest of the babylost blogosphere, but it hadn't yet become MY community.
Our sons left us within weeks of each other. Our friendship blossomed quickly and intensely. Long email essays to each other multiple times a day. Hours on the phone. I can't imagine having survived the last four and a half months without her.
And then to my delight, this weekend she was HERE. The fabulous and lovely Monique, mama to sweet Sam, came from Winnepeg Canada to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S.A.! If you don't believe me, here's proof...Monique standing by the quintessential symbol of the City of Brotherly Love, the Liberty Bell:
The weekend was so beautiful, so wonderful and it just flew by. There was something so precious about seeing that reflection of myself in real life, to be able to give and receive real hugs. Somewhere in the middle I realized this was the very first time since Ezra left, that I have felt happy without feeling guilty.
People seem to arrive in your life just when you need them. And while I always find it hard to admit anything positive came from Ezra's death, I can't imagine we would have ever met if our sons were born alive and wriggling into our arms.
She is as loving and compassionate in real life as she is online. I feel so blessed to count her as a friend.