Sunday, January 11, 2009

Happiness Still Lives

I don't remember what it was about her post on an online outpost for deadbabymamas, that caught my attention. It was back in the days when I was still drowning in grief, unable to envision how I might ever function again. Back when I was barely getting out of bed, not leaving the house, didn't even want the shades up since the sunlight seemed threatening.

Something about her words, her story, just grabbed me, allowed me to see a reflection of myself at a time when I wasn't quite sure that anyone else really did understand. Wise babylost mamas of never forgotten children of 20 or 30 years ago had sat with me, called me, sent me letters. And while I found some comfort in knowing they had survived the crushing pain of losing their precious babies...I couldn't yet see the path from here to there, I didn't yet have faith that I too would survive. I had only recently discovered Glow, and the rest of the babylost blogosphere, but it hadn't yet become MY community.

Our sons left us within weeks of each other. Our friendship blossomed quickly and intensely. Long email essays to each other multiple times a day. Hours on the phone. I can't imagine having survived the last four and a half months without her.

And then to my delight, this weekend she was HERE. The fabulous and lovely Monique, mama to sweet Sam, came from Winnepeg Canada to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S.A.! If you don't believe me, here's proof...Monique standing by the quintessential symbol of the City of Brotherly Love, the Liberty Bell:

The weekend was so beautiful, so wonderful and it just flew by. There was something so precious about seeing that reflection of myself in real life, to be able to give and receive real hugs. Somewhere in the middle I realized this was the very first time since Ezra left, that I have felt happy without feeling guilty.

People seem to arrive in your life just when you need them. And while I always find it hard to admit anything positive came from Ezra's death, I can't imagine we would have ever met if our sons were born alive and wriggling into our arms.

She is as loving and compassionate in real life as she is online. I feel so blessed to count her as a friend.


Dani819 said...

Oh, hooray! Knowing that you two were together this weekend made me smile. So glad it was such a wonderful, happy weekend.

CLC said...

I am so glad that you made that connection with each other. How fun for you to meet IRL.

Barbara said...

Oh how wonderful! I'm just so pleased for you both!

Big smiles!


Hope's Mama said...

this is so heartwarming. i'm so happy for you both. so happy you found each other and so happy you met to share those real hugs. damn australia being so far away.... love to you both xo

Gal aka SuperMommy said...

Yay. So beautiful. Yay... :)

Anonymous said...

well, I'm crying as I write this and just got home and can't have said it any better myself. I am still in a good mood, something I haven't felt for such a long time. I don't know what I would have done without you either. Lots of love and I'll post some more photos.

c. said...

I think it is wonderful you were able to meet. Beautiful photos.

I had the same opportunity shortly after Callum died. It was wonderful to sit across from a fellow dbm, to just be with another woman who knew exactly what I felt because she felt the same way, too.

Funny, I don't feel as close to anybody in my life as I once did. In fact, in some respects, I feel closer to the "strangers" I've met here than to the real friends I have in my life.

I wish you a long and beautiful friendship. XO.

Anonymous said...

so happy for you too. that you got real hugs and time to be together face to face, heart to heart. much love

Rach said...

How lovely for you both. I often wonder how it would be if we all met up, somewhere in the middle of the world. Somewhere we could all sprend a day or two with other people who know exactly how we feel. I think it would be

Lani said...

that is awesome. i love that you 2 met. that was a good post to start my day. love to you both!

loribeth said...

Oh, how fabulous!! I'm always jealous when I hear of online friends meeting up. Glad you had such a great time together!

Laura said...

It's great to see you smile. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.