Wednesday, March 4, 2009

To honor our babies?

No less than 5 healthy live babies have been born to family and friends in the past week. I'm convinced I've experienced every possible emotion in response...happiness, relief, sadness, jealousy, anger. Certainly I don't wish membership in this dead baby mama club on anyone...I am happy for these lucky parents, I'll just never understand why we didn't get our happy ending too.

And then a thought occurred to me: could I buy a gift for these babies that honors my baby, or rather all of our lost babies? I thought about
C's post about the amazing and beautiful sling which honors her son Callum and raises money for stillbirth research. I would love to be able to buy a gift for a live healthy baby that helps give voice to our babies, and raises money to prevent stillbirth or infant death. Like a wood toy or a rattle - does it exist?

My own furious google searching along with input from several of my amazing babylost mama friends didn't reveal much. Both
Angel Names and First Candle have relationships with various vendors where a portion of the proceeds will be donated to these organizations; but nothing about the gift you purchase informs the person who receives it that this contribution was made. March of Dimes has a store which features various products. There are also companies that make items for grieving families, but these wouldn't be appropriate for a live baby.

I guess the lack of options out there begs the question - is this idea insane? Is it completely morbid to think of buying deadbaby gifts for live babies? And what is my motivation anyway - is my desire to give such gifts an act of generosity and compassion, or is it an act of bitterness and jealousy?

What do you think? And do you know of any products out there? And to my 'lurkers' who I know read but never comment (both babylost mama & non), feel free to weigh in on this one.


Hope's Mama said...

I'm officially thinking on this one. Will report back via email if i get any light bulb moments!

Anonymous said...

As a friend of someone who has lost a baby (i.e. you), I think it would be an honor to receive something that was in some way a tribute to Ezra. Something useful, or beautiful. Especially if some part of it went to March of Dimes or a similar organization. With or without such a thing, though, I'm sure many of those close to you are with me in saying that Ezra (and you and David) are often on our minds and in our hearts.

marlono said...

I think that it's a lovely idea. I too have quite a few people close to me who have had or are having babies, and I'd love to be able to give them a baby gift that somehow represents all of the baby angels looking over them from heaven.

And I think that it's possible to create some sort of branding or logo on the packaging that indicates that this item (and I love the idea of a wooden toy, or something else more permanent than a plastic or stuffed item) not only directs proceeds to charities focusing on children, but that it also pays homage to all of the little ones who are no longer with us in a tasteful way. What about something having to do with Ezra's little toy mouse?

k@lakly said...

I think it's a lovely idea. I have a link on my blog where you can get jewelry with birthstones. they make all kinds so you could do a necklace or bracelet with Ezra and the new babies birth stones.
My other thought, b/c I love books would be to get a nice hardback book and make your own donation to a childrens charity in both the new baby and Ezra's names and put a plaque inside the book that tells of the donation.
There is a Jamie Lee Curtis book Where do Balloons Go that deals with death on a very subtle level, with beautiful illustrations and verse. I love reading it to my kids and I did even before I joined the db club.

angie y. said...

i love the sling. but the whole idea is beautiful. i have five friends pregnant right now, and i know they are walking on eggshells around me, though that is not necessary, but they feel bad about celebrating their baby around me. if i could give them something that celebrated their birth, but also was thoughtfully dedicated to research to prevent what i went through to ever happen to another family, they would love it.

one gift i bought for lucy, which i didn't have for my oldest was one of these waldorf chewing dolls for newborns. (,-Cream.html?oompaItem=Yellow%20Label%20Kids_Blanket%20Doll,%20Cream)
they are so simple and beautiful. i was excited to see lucy sleep with it, because i thought she would look like the little elfy doll. i think something like that would be easy to hand make, and sell on etsy (i shop for everything on etsy!) or something with proceeds going to stillbirth research. just an idea.

CLC said...

I think it's a great idea, although I have no idea in what direction to point you. I think your idea is merely an acknowlegement of these new babies and Ezra, not one of jealousy or bitterness. And hopefully,these new moms will appreciate that and find the gift more meaningful.

I like kalakly's idea about the books..

ezra'smommy said...

While still on the hunt for a product, I did just purchase these cards from March of Dimes:
I love the 'Every Baby Has a Story' tagline. Our babies have stories too.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's morbid at all and I'm sure all the women who had their babies think of Ezra and would be honoured to receive something that honoured both babies.

erica said...

This is a very good idea. I wish there were more options or that I were craftier so that I could create more options.

Dani819 said...

I think Marlono's idea of these places packaging their gifts in special commemorative wrapping or including a card that explains the significance of the gift would be a wonderful idea. What would that involve? Talking to someone in marketing? Seems like it might be worth contacting one of these organizations to see if they'd consider it.

Lea said...

I just came across your blog and I just have to say that Ezra is gorgeous. I am so sorry that you are on this journey with us.
This idea of a gift honoring both a new baby and your sweet Ezra is a beautiful idea. I really like the idea of a book with a personal dedication....something like that could be a treasured gift.
I'm still thinking on other ideas (you know this will consume my day now! lol)

Lani said...

I love the book idea. We are going to see our friends who live in SF on friday who had a baby right after Silas. they will be here visiting and i want to give them something.

i'm glad you've brought this up b/c i feel the need to start doing something for all those babies in my life who i have yet to acknowledge. if i come up with anything good, i'll let you know.