Sunday, February 8, 2009

I Wish...

I wish today were not my birthday.

There is nothing happy about a birthday when your baby died.

I wish I did not have to turn 34 without Ezra in my arms.

He brought so much joy to my 33rd, its cruel.

I wish I were not 34 and still trying to bring a living baby into the world,

When I long for Ezra in my arms.

I wish I never learned how to feel this much sadness and pain.

The world is just too lonely without Ezra.

I wish I could know the immediate joy of becoming a mom,

Without ever having had it snatched away.


12 comments:

Dani819 said...

I wish that for you, too, Sarah. Sending you hugs and love on a day that should have been so much happier.

CLC said...

I wish you could be granted all of these wishes. I hope you find something nice to do today with your husband. Birthdays just seem meaningless now.

Barbara said...

I wish this was a happy birthday for you Sarah.

Hugs
xxx

Cara said...

I'm wishing too. Wishing for so much that just can't be. ((hugs)) on your day.

aliza said...

i too wish that ezra was in your arms and that motherhood came to you without the tears and pain of this terrible loss. i wish that we had met with our babes in arms bringing in the best birthdays ever. but for now i wish you just a little peace and comfort. i wish it was all so different for all of us.

Hope's Mama said...

I wish for so much more for you, new friend Sarah.

Ya Chun said...

I wish you peace and send you hugs! My birthday was hard too this year. Grief is the gist that keeps on giving.

Sara said...

I wish it were a different kind of day for you, that wishes could come true.

Ange said...

Wishing you love and peace in this your 34th year. Sorry that you can't enjoy this birthday..

Gal aka SuperMommy said...

I wish too, Sarah. For you, for all of us. It was sweet to hear your voice on the phone this morning. I've thought of you tons today, hoping the time with your sweet man was comforting. Lots of love.

k@lakly said...

I wish you had you wish come true. I'm so sorry, bithdays are just not the same are they?
xxoo

Ruth said...

I know that this sucks and it hasn't even sunk in fully for me. My Ren was born on my birhday 06/25/08, I was 30 and then he died 2 months and 6 days later. WTF!!! I'm not sure how to do "this". All, I know is that this is not the way "this" was supposed to go. I miss him so much and I'm defidently not looking forward to my 31st birthday when my son should have been one. Why do babies have to die? . . .I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such a empty black hole. What is the plan? What is God's purpose in this? Sending you my love- a fellow grieving mother.